By Father Rich Tomkosky
Jesus reminds us frequently in the Gospels that the path to Heaven is narrow and the path to Hell is wide — not what we human beings want to hear!
In the Gospel, Jesus gives us some of His teachings which caused some of his followers to fall away, then and now, sadly. The question to us is, as Jesus put it to Saint Peter later in the Gospel account (Jn 6:67): Are you going to leave me too?
But first let’s look briefly at readings that put Jesus’ teaching in the proper context
Sirach tells us, “If you choose you can keep the Commandments, they will save you; if you trust in God, you too shall live. Before man are life and death, good and evil, whichever he chooses shall be given to him. God understands man’s every deed; to none does He give license to sin.” Freedom is to be used for good – not evil, but it’s up to us.
Psalm 119 tells us: Blessed are they who follow the law of the Lord! And instruct me, O Lord, in the way of your statues, that I may exactly observe them. Give me discernment, that I may observe your law and keep it with all my heart.” What a beautiful prayer to take to heart hopefully in our life.
Saint Paul says, “We speak a wisdom to those who are mature, not a wisdom of this age. And if we freely embrace it and live it, we will experience joy and peace beyond imagining, Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, and it has not entered the human heart what God has prepared for those who love Him.” The Holy Spirit has revealed this. So beautiful and true this is!
So, this leads to Jesus’ hard teachings. They only make sense in light of our eternal destiny and that the path to life is narrow. Keep that in mind.
First, Jesus reminds us that we can’t just pick-and-choose among His teachings but must embrace them all – even the tough ones. “Do not think I have come to abolish the law or the prophets, but to fulfill. Whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do so will be called least in the kingdom of Heaven and unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Scribes and Pharisees you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Then He goes into specific teachings: first on anger: it’s not enough to not kill someone, but if we hold a grudge or curse someone out or hold on to anger/even hatred we will risk the fires of Gehenna (a powerful image of Hell – the burning garbage dump outside of Jerusalem). We must try to reconcile with those who we are at odds with, especially if it a serious matter before approaching the altar of God, for us Catholics that means Holy Communion. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Second, on adultery and lust: Jesus says it is not enough to not commit this sin, in actuality, but we must choose not to even think about it. If we deliberately look at others with lust, i.e., treat them as an object for our sexual gratification, we sin in a grave way. This is why pornography is an objectively grave sin. As a side pastoral note, many people get tempted with impure thoughts. It doesn’t become a sin until you become aware of them and continue to dwell on them. Ask Our Lady to protect us in this area.
Third, on taking oaths: I swear to …. – let your Yes be Yes and No be No- don’t be duplicitous but be transparent and honest. Also respect God’s name.
Fourth, on divorce and re-marriage: “It was also said, whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce, but I say to you, whoever divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” The qualification of “unless it was unlawful” deals with marrying someone who was too close of a blood relative. Wow, this is a teaching the modern world has a tough time with. In fact, with the exception of the Catholic Church and to some degree the Orthodox Church the rest of the Christian Churches basically ignore this teaching of Jesus. This clear teaching of Jesus is the reason why the Catholic Church says if we divorce and re-marry without an annulment, we are not allowed to receive the Sacraments until our situation is resolved with a firm purpose of amendment.
On a pastoral note: we should pray for everybody who are in difficult situations, and I try to help the best I can, but sometimes my hands are tied since we are all bound by the teachings of Jesus. These marriage issues are probably the main reason people fall away from the Catholic Church, and it breaks my heart as a pastor, but we are limited in what we can do since Jesus is SO CLEAR on this matter. Even if someone at present cannot receive the Sacraments because of their marriage situation, one should still come to Mass and participate in the prayers since there are so many graces God gives to one who is making the effort despite some obstacles and one can make a spiritual communion.
One clarification that many Catholics still misunderstand – if you are divorced but not intimately involved with another person, it is possible to receive the Sacraments. It is just like a single person as long as you are living a chaste life you can receive Holy Communion. This is also why if you are divorced you are playing with fire if you start dating another person before you receive an annulment since until you do, you are still married in the eyes of God and the Church, and no annulment is guaranteed. Is it a good idea to go to Confession after a divorce is finalized? Yes, to receive the healing graces of God since divorce is always painful, and whatever happened, it must be given to the Lord regardless of whose fault the divorce was: one or both parties.
What about annulments? Is this the Catholic form of divorce? No, because an annulment says because of some serious defect based on investigation there was never really a sacramental marriage bond to begin with. It deals with the beginning of the marriage when you took your vows before God: deception, inability to make a permanent commitment, grave immaturity, not being open to having children or putting a firm limit on how many children would be born to the union instead of being open to God’s will; drug or alcohol problems from the very start of the marriage, other serious psychological problems, not willing to remain faithful for life, etc.
Do the children become illegitimate? No, because a declaration of nullity does not mean a marriage did not occur. The civil effects are all still there, including obligations to offspring, alimony and visitation. It is just that it didn’t meet the sacramental criteria of the faith upon investigation. Do you have to pay a lot of money to get one? In our diocese it is free. Do non-Catholics need one? If they are marrying a Catholic.
An annulment is a decision of the Catholic Church which was given the power by Jesus himself to “bind and loose:” to decree based on concrete evidence, hence the need for two or three witnesses to verify what the annulment petitioner is saying, that a marriage did not meet the requirements of a sacramental union.
Some will say well I don’t believe in annulments. Well, we can’t be “more Catholic” than the Church, and annulments have always been issued by the Church; they are just more common today because sadly there are more broken marriages today than ever in history for a variety of sad reasons.
If you are divorced or have taken the step on getting re-married civilly and as a result currently cannot receive the Sacraments, unless you are willing to live as brother and sister, please contact me or your pastor so that I or he can try to help you and see if there are grounds for an annulment. Yes, it is painful to re-visit the past, but it is also good to bring closure to it and get healing in God, especially if one has been away from the Sacraments for a long time because of a marriage situation.
The last thing I want to mention on this is for Catholics who were married and now are divorced or re-married to someone else. If the first marriage was not blessed by the Catholic Church, then it may be a very easy process of getting things right. This is called a lack of canonical form case and what that means in practical language is: The Catholic Church never recognized the marriage because Catholics are bound by canon law to have a priest or deacon bless their marriage. If that didn’t happen, then by a sworn statement and two witnesses and some documentary proof the Church can officially say it didn’t meet the criteria of Sacramental Marriage, and so one would be free to be married in the Church again. It is a much shorter process than an annulment because it is a clearcut case based on documentary evidence. God bless you.
Father Rich Tomkosky is the Pastor of Saint Thomas the Apostle Parish in Bedford and the Pastor of Seven Dolors of the Blessed Virgin Mary Parish in Beans Cove.
